This was a very important chapter. Everybody has people in their life that they need to restore a relationship, or they have a friend that needs help restoring a relationship. It's always a great joy to help two people restore their relationship. Whether it is a husband and a wife, parents and their children, brothers and sisters, neighbors or coworkers, there is plenty that ruins relationships - and there is always a need to restore relationships.
Relationships are always worth restoring. Because life is all about learning how to love, God wants us to value relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt, or a conflict.
Peacemakers are rare because peacemaking is hard work.
So how do you help restore a relationship? Here are some very wise ideas on how to help your relationship move from strained to restored.
Talk to God before talking to the person. All your relationships would go smoother if you would just pray more about them. Most conflict is rooted in unmet needs. Some of these can only be met by God. When you expect anyone - a friend, a spouse, a boss, or family member - to meet a need that only God can fulfill, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one can meet all your needs except God.
Always take the initiative. It doesn't matter whether you are the offender or the offended: God expects you to make the first move.
Sympathize with their feelings. Use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any disagreement you must first listen to people's feelings. Don't try to talk people out of how they feel at first. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive. It is a sacrifice to patiently absorb the anger of others, especially if it's unfounded.
Confess your part of the conflict. If you are serious about restoring a relationship, you should begin with admitting your own mistakes or sin. Jesus said it's the way to see things more clearly: "First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye." Since we all have blind spots, you may need to ask a third party to help you evacuate your own actions before meeting with the person with whom you have a conflict. Also, ask God to show you how much of the problem is your fault.
Attack the problem, not the person. You cannot fix the problem if you're consumed with fixing the blame. You must choose between the two. The Bible says, "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire."
Cooperate as much as possible. Peace always has a price tag. Sometimes it costs us our pride; it often costs us our self-centeredness.
Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution. It is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant.
"Work hard at living in peace with others."
1 comment:
There have been times in my life when it has been very difficult to admimt that I was the one who was
starting a conflict with someone. I did not want to admit it to God or to that person. Once I started admitting to God and to the person I was having the conflict wit, that it was my fault; it became a little easier for me to talk to that person and for that person to listen to what i had to say.
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