There is a certain appeal to forgiveness, but in reality it is difficult and sometimes confusing.
What is your understanding of forgiveness?
For example:
What if they hurt me again, should I forgive again? (yes!)
What if they don’t deserve it? (you forgive for your sake, not theirs.)
How come when I forgive, I still feel hurt and angry? (being angry and needing to forgive are two different things.)
How come I’m the one doing all the forgiving and no one is doing any changing? (your forgiving them is about you changing, not you changing them.)
How come when I try to forgive, it seems to only make things worse? (maybe you are confusing forgiving with enabling?)
How do I learn to let go? (get wisdom.)
There is much accumulated Christian wisdom over the centuries on forgiveness and reconciliation, but we’ll take four lessons as a launching point for how we can learn to forgive, to let go and become more mature disciples in the process.
The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change.
We do our forgiving alone inside our hearts and minds;
what happens to the people we forgive depends on them.
The first person to benefit from forgiveness is the one who does it.
~Lewis B. Smedes, The Art of Forgiveness
Week One: Teachings of Jesus According to the Gospel
[Matthew 5-7] “Blessed Are The Peacemakers”: What is your experience, successes, failures, with forgiveness, of letting go?
According to teachings of Jesus, what is your understanding of forgiveness?
5v7 -11 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.* Forgiveness is an act of mercy by which you are the recipient of the mercy given. By forgiving you are actively making peace, creating a good gift from the chaos of the debris. To be in a position where you are needing to give forgiveness, that is to be blessed. All of which is a radical point of view of why we forgive, and what is to result from it.
5v23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
* Realizing that you are the offender, that you have caused a grudge or a disappointment, it's at this moment of you truth that you become a hypocrite before God or humble yourself. In offering a peace offering to God, whom you have likely offended, make peace with your neighbor, family, friends, etc.
5v43-44 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.
* The heart of forgiveness is an act of love, given as a sacrificial act, undeserved. To offer forgiveness out of anything less then love is to misunderstand the point. To pray for the blessing and presence of God to come upon your enemy, the one who has wounded or crossed you - this act of love is revolutionary. If you will believe it. And do it.
6v11-14 Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
* The interconnection between your relationship with God and others is too often overlooked or ignored. To our peril. Think about it: how would you know you have been forgiven by God? A feeling? A miraculous sign? Or by your intentional actions of forgiving those who sin against you? You want to know if you are going to heaven when you die? Then just keep on forgiving. 77 times.
7v2-5 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
* Who are you to withhold forgiveness? You, with the tree in your eye, are embittered towards the weed in the other's eye? To judge, to hate, to stay bitter and resentful, is to minimize your own sins and magnify unjustly their wrongs. And: to judge the one who won't forgive - well that doesn't bode well for you either!
7v24-27 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
* It's harder to forgive then not forgive. Until the storm comes. Then it's harder to live with the wreckage of not forgiving then it was with the existential struggle to forgive those who sin against you. Jesus's instructions are rooted in wisdom. It's why he commands them. He's right. His way is right. Keep trying it.
Why do we repeatedly choose to not forgive?
We don't believe it will work. We don't think they deserve it. Some sins are just too big. We are tired of the apologies and unchanged behavior. We just don't want to. Avoidance. Fear of the unknown.What do we imagine we are gaining by refusing to forgive?
Power. Revenge. Justification. Superiority.Three helpful stages to successfully forgiving someone: ~Lewis B. Smedes, The Art of Forgiving
* Rediscover the humanity of the person who hurt us.
* Surrender our right to get even.
* Revise our feelings towards the person we forgive.
In light of the teaching of Jesus and these three stages of forgiveness, what’s a situation that you feel prompted to deal successfully?
What’s one action step you can take this week:
How to Forgive: The Art of Letting Go
Anchor Community Church // Pastor Tim Hallman
Thursdays, May 3, 10th, 24th, 31st, 8-9pm
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