First Thoughts on Toxic Charity

When I was a senior in high school, I went to visit my mom and her classroom full of twenty-five first-grade students. It was in the middle of winter and the day was just coming to an end. The students were gathering their belongings and preparing for the vicious sub-zero temperatures for the journey out to the buses.  

All of her students were putting on hats, gloves, snow boots, and thick winter coats. One student in particular decided he was going to put on his mittens then zip up his coat.  He soon realized that without the help of his individual fingers, it was nearly impossible to zip up his own coat.  He approached my mom and asked, “Mrs. Uhey, can you zip my coat for me?” and my mom kindly responded, “No, I will not zip your coat. When you’re getting ready to leave, zip up your coat then put your mittens on. You can do it.”  

With that, he took off his mittens, zipped his coat, then put his mittens back on. Initially, when I first saw this interaction I thought, “come on, mom! You could have just zipped his coat! How could you not help him!” Little did I know is that my mom’s response to this student in her class was the best, most helpful response she could have given. 

I know this story seems random and almost insignificant, but what my mom demonstrated in front of her student and myself was something incredibly profound when it comes to working with people, especially those in need. 

My mom recognized that her student had the capacity to do what he asked of her.  She could have helped him, but instead, she seized the moment as a time to teach him what he could do if he applied himself.  In this small interaction, she taught her student as well as empowered him, building him up to become independent.

Toxic Charity, written by Bob Lupton, discusses in more depth the benefits of empowering those who are struggling.  

In most charity cases, we see people who are willing to give, and give a lot and there is nothing wrong with having a giving, compassionate heart! However, if you take a close look at the receiving end of giving, it can have some unintended, harmful effects.  

Lupton gives the example of a well-off family dropping off gifts at Christmas. The giving family is happy to give, stopping by the house on Christmas and enjoying a little fellowship. What is strange is that the father of the receiving family is nowhere to be seen, for it is embarrassing for this father to be reminded in front of a random family that he cannot provide for his own family. 

Looking closely at this, we should not be so quick to think that our giving is actually helpful.  

The point is to figure out why this father cannot provide for his family and work with him in a way that will set him up to be able to provide for his family for the next Christmas. Handing out gifts may make the giver feel good and boost their “God complex” but can create a social separation between the two parties, hurting the essence of community.

When we set out to do some kind of charity work, our hope is to improve the quality of life for those we are serving.  The kind of charity that improves the quality of life of those being served requires careful consideration and lots of time. It takes a lot of heart and a lot of drive.